


keeping me afloat

by CallicoKitten



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, On the Run, Post-Game(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, chris has no chill when it comes to josh washington, chris is the most oblivious, chris saves josh from the mines, jesus what a dummy, you know the drill by now people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 03:14:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallicoKitten/pseuds/CallicoKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And yeah, okay, maybe there is something appealing about it. About fake names and rental cars and cash only purchases. Maybe there's something that thrills Chris about that. </p><p>-</p><p>in which post the lodge josh is a suspect and chris isnt having that at all</p>
            </blockquote>





	keeping me afloat

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this last week when i was obsessed with this game, kind of petered out 
> 
> title is from the front bottom's bathtub

This what Chris remembers of the night Hannah and Beth disappeared:

He remembers getting to the lodge early, finding a bottle of very expensive (and very _illegal_ judging by the alcohol percentage) in Josh's dad's room. He remembers Josh giggling and his own head pounding, remembers telling Josh to quiet down.

_Why don't you make me, cochise?_

Chris remembers snorting, _don't you know what that's code for, Josh._

And Josh's eyes being very blue and very close and his breath being warm, _I'm counting on it, buddy._

He doesn't remember kissing Josh - not that first time - doesn't remember going upstairs or getting to Josh's room.

He does remember pushing Josh down onto the bed, does remember how hot and wet Josh's mouth had been, remembers him moaning, _fuck, Chris._

He remembers footsteps, springing apart and Ash bursting in, _Josh, I'm so sorry, Josh, Hannah and Beth - they -_

He remembers chasing Josh out into the snow, trying to grab him with hands that wouldn't move right yelling, _you'll be no good to anyone if you fall down a damn mineshaft, Josh!_

How's that for foreshadowing?

-

If this were a movie this would be the end sequence.

The burning lodge, the dead creatures, him and Sam and Emily and Mike and Ash alive and well with the sun coming up and what might be the distant beat of helicopters in the distance. This would be the part where the music swells and camera pans up and the hero gets the girl.

There's none of that though. No triumphant music, no relieved laughter. There's just five kids trembling in the snow.

Chris had never quite understood why Josh always rolled his eyes at endings like that, now he gets it.

He breaks the silence before he even really knows what he's doing, "Does anyone know what happened to Josh?"

"Gone," Mike says, breathing heavily, "One of those things dragged him off."

"Did you - " Chris finds himself saying. "Did you - did you _see_ them kill him?"

Mike gives him this long, sympathetic look, "Chris - " he begins but he doesn't say yes. He doesn't say yes.

"That guy's book said they keep their victims alive," Chris says, more to convince himself than anyone else. "I can't leave him down there if he's still alive."

Ash steps away from him, "Chris, you can't go back down there! It's suicide!"

"She's right," Emily chimes in, hands on her hips. "Besides, the rangers are coming. They can find him."

"They didn't find Hannah and Beth," he points out.

"He has a point there," Sam says. "We know our way around the mines too and now that those things are dead we shouldn't have much to worry about."

"Except _everything_!" Ashley insists.

"I'm going back for him," Chris says, quietly. "I'm not asking anyone to come with me but I'm not leaving without him."

"Chris," Ashley says, tone sweet and pleading. "He put us through _hell_ down there and I - "

"He's _sick_ , Ashley!" Chris snaps. "And I should have - " he bites it back. _I'm his best friend. I should have known._ "Look, just tell whoever comes to go to the mines."

"How are you even going to find a way down there?" Mike calls, as Chris turns back to the mountain and it's a horribly valid question. Chris has no idea how he's going to get down there and he's fully aware that there's a good chance he'll end up freezing to death somewhere but frankly, he's past caring.

"I'll find a way!" he yells back, over the howl of the wind.

-

Chris manages to get just out of sight from the group before he cracks, tosses his torch down and kicks it.

He should have _seen_ it.

The first six months Josh had been a mess. In and out of the psych ward, in and out of the hospital. Chris has lost count of the amount of times he woke up to Josh texting him desperately - _chris pls be awake - i rly need you - chris pls -_ the amount of 3am phone calls. The amount of time Chris drove halfway across the city to get to Josh's ridiculous penthouse apartment just so he could sit and watch the rise and fall of Josh's chest, just so he could know his best friend was still alive.

And then it all stopped.

And Chris should have _known._

But he didn't because he was so fucking _relieved._

He was so relieved he wasn't Josh's lifeline anymore; he was so _relieved_ he had time in his life for other people.

He was so relieved he didn't have to babysit anymore that he didn't look too closely, didn't think much of it when Josh stopped talking about anything real. _Really_ real. Dropped out of college, didn't see much of anyone.

It was fine, Chris had told himself. It was normal. Josh needed space and time and hell, Chris definitely needed space and time to himself. _Selfish fuck._

There's a crunch as his torch hits a rock and shatters and fucking great, just fucking great. That's where Chris' A+ decision making skills have gotten him. Alone on a fucking mountain in (waning) snow storm without a light.

Just _great._

 "Hey!" someone yells.

Chris just about jumps out of skin.

He turns to see Sam jogging towards him, "Jesus, Sam. Please be gentle with me, I don't think my heart can take much more of this."

"Wait!" Sam says, "I'm coming with you," she's slightly out of breath. "Sorry I scared you," she adds. She puts a hand on his shoulder, "I know a way down to the mines, it might take some climbing though."

She shifts her backpack, "I have some rope we can use. Mike knows where we'll be going down, it's a big opening. We can find Josh and bring him back there, hopefully there'll be someone waiting."

God, Chris loves her.

"Thanks, Sam."

"Let's go save Josh," she says with a smile.

-

They never spoke about what happened the night Hannah and Beth disappeared.

Well, they do, over and over and over.

 _I should have done something,_ Josh says, over and over and over. _I should have been there for them. I'm their big brother; I'm supposed to protect them!_

 _You can't change it now, Josh,_ Chris says back, over and over and over.

At first he'd say, _you couldn't have done anything, Josh_ except they could. Chris remembers being vaguely aware of Jess and Em's plan to show Hannah up. Maybe he should have done something but he never thought it'd be _serious._

But they never talk about the _other_ part.

-

So, the mines turn out to be the creepiest place Chris has ever been, way more creepy than Josh's fucked up little movie set in the old hotel and he's _unspeakably_ glad Sam's with him.

"You think we might run into Matt and Jess down here?" he asks, they're both whispering, trying to keep quiet just in case there are more of those things down here.

"Maybe," Sam hisses back. She pauses to stretch out a leg and tap a particularly rickety looking bored gingerly. It falls to pieces as soon as she puts any weight on it and Chris would never have thought to test it out, would have probably just barrelled through and ended up a bloody mess on the rocks below.

"I hope they're okay," she says, hopping smartly over the gap.

They're waling for maybe about ten minutes when they get to the body of the stranger, trussed up like a pig for slaughter. Chris' stomach turns and he groans, "You could have warned me!"

Sam makes a sympathetic noise, "Sorry."

A little further on and Sam stops dead, "We found Beth buried here," she says, absently. "We should tell someone, they can at least bring her body back."

Chris always forgets that Sam lost her best friends that day, that just because she's the strong silent type it doesn't mean that she's not hurting. He puts a hand on her shoulder, "Yeah, it'll be nice for them to have some closure."

They don't talk about Hannah.

"Let's just find Josh," Sam says.

-

Chris is starting to give up when he hears a familiar voice.

It's way off in the distance but it's Josh. He'd know that voice anywhere.

"No," Josh is whimpering. "No, _please._ "

Chris loses any sense he ever had at that moment, takes off blindly into the dark yelling, "Josh! Josh! I'm coming!"

Sam's yelling something about keeping quiet, being careful but she's running just haphazardly after him.

"I'm _sorry,_ " Josh moans. "I'll stay, I promise, I will."

Chris hurtles down a narrow path, turns a corner.

Josh's voice is quieter now, "I won't leave you alone. Not again."

Chris is about to yell again when something grabs his arm and shoves a hand over his mouth, " _Sam_ ," he hisses, when she lets him go.

"Chris, if one of those things is with him in there running around screaming really isn't a good idea."

"Well, if one of those things _is_ in there with him then it's one hundred percent aware of our presence already, Sam. Unless it's deaf."

She considers this for a moment, "Okay, well we should still be careful."

He nods and they round the next corner more slowly, "Josh?" Chris hisses.

The passage opens up into a huge chamber with a pool of water in the middle. Sam breaths in sharply.

Josh is on the far side of the pool, talking to something he and Sam can't see.

"Chris, we should - "Sam starts but Chris is already slooshing through the water towards Josh. "For god's sake, Chris!"

Chris reaches the shore just as Sam's lowering herself in but Josh doesn't look up. He doesn't even acknowledge Chris until Chris is yanking him into a hug, "Fuck, Josh, I thought you were - "

Josh goes rigid, "Chris?" he mumbles, voice muffled by Chris' shoulder.

Chris pulls back and smiles wider than he's pretty sure he ever has, "Yeah - Yeah, we came back for you."

But Josh isn't smiling, he doesn't look relieved. His eyes go wide and he moves back. Chris holds on, it's a reflex more than anything because Josh looks _horrifed._

"You can't be here," Josh says. "No. They said - They said you - You can't be here!"

"Josh, Josh, it's okay, you're okay," Chris is trying to remember how Josh's mum taught him to react when Josh had a panic attack but his mind is stuck on a loop of _Josh - Josh - Josh - Josh._ "We're gonna get you out of here, buddy."

"I can't _leave,_ Chris! I can't _leave_! They don't - They don't want me to."

"Who, Josh? Who doesn't want you to leave?"

"Hannah and Beth!"

 _Shit,_ Chris thinks.

"Josh, Hannah and Beth, they're dead. You know that, right? Come on, man, I really need you to focus here."

"No," Josh says, "No, no, no, no. You're not real. You're just here to - to confuse me, I know what's real!"

Chris grips him tighter, "Josh - "

"They want me to stay here, Chris," Josh repeats. "I _have_ to stay here, she's all alone. She's all alone and it's my fault! If I hadn't - If _we_ hadn't - " He swallows and straightens up, "It was my fault, not theirs. I know that now. Please, I have to stay."

"This doesn't look good, Chris," Sam says, appearing at Chris' side. "How're we gonna get him out of here?"

"I don't know," Chris admits, Josh is still muttering to himself.

"I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry. I won't I promise," he's looking around, talking to someone that isn't there. "I'll stay, I promise, I'll - " he jerks, cradles his head in his hands. "No, _no._ You don't get to control me anymore!"

He starts to yank at his hair and Chris reaches out automatically to grab his wrists, "Hey, hey, you'll hurt yourself!"

"I _deserve_ it," Josh snarls so suddenly that Chris lets go.

"What do we do?" Sam asks.

Chris sighs, "We get him back to the entrance, I guess."

" _Stupid,_ " Josh mutters. "Your fault - _Your fault -_ "

"What's he talking about?" Sam asks, voice low.

"His sisters. He blamed himself at the start; I thought he was over it."

"I don't think that's something you get over, Chris."

"Yeah, starting to see that now," Chris mutters. He reaches out to Josh again, puts an arm around his shoulders, "Come on, Josh."

"Where we going?" Josh mumbles. "I told you, Chris, I gotta stay for Beth and Hannah."

"They're dead, Josh," Chris says, gently but firmly. He starts to lead them back to the pool.

"This is gonna be tricky," Sam says.

"No," Josh is saying, but he's not putting up much of a fight. "No, I promised them, Chris! I _promised_! They're all alone, I can't let them down again."

"He'll snap out of it soon," Chris says, (Chris hopes.) "Take his other arm."

Sam doesn't look convinced, but she does as he instructs, moves around so she can take Josh's left arm and smiles warmly when he looks down at her, "Tell him, Sam," Josh urges. "Tell him I can't leave Hannah and Beth again. I've gotta protect them."

Sam's eyes look a little wet in the dim light, "They're dead, Josh."

They're halfway across the pool when Josh digs his heels in and yells, "NO! I am not leaving! You've got to understand!"

That's when they hear it, from deep within the mines, a high pitched, inhuman screech.

"Oh my _god,"_ Chris whispers.

"We have to shut him up," Sam hisses urgently.

Chris nods, "I am so, so, sorry, Josh." He draws his torch back and smacks Josh as hard as he can round the back of the head. It doesn't work, not the way Chris was originally intending it too anyway. Josh doesn't go limp but he does freeze, stammer to a halt and blink hard.

"It'll have to do," Chris says and with Josh between them he and Sam make it to edge of the pool as quietly as possible.

Josh looks kind of dazed but at least he's quiet.

"You remember the way back?" Chris asks.

Sam nods, "Yeah, yeah I think so. Stay close, okay?"

"Chris...?" Josh mumbles.

"Stay quiet, buddy," Chris says, pulling him closer as another screech echoes. "God _fuck_."

Sam shakes her head as they start to move down the passage, "How many of those things are there in here?"

"Hopefully just one. Otherwise we are _majorly_ screwed."

Sam goes a few paces ahead of them, scoping things out then looking back and nodding for them to follow. By Chris' estimate they're almost at the opening they dropped down from, the opening Mike's supposed to have told the rescuers about but then Sam stops dead in her tracks.

"Chris," she whispers. "Don't _move._ "

And Josh, who has been mostly still and mostly quiet the whole journey chooses that moment to get antsy, to wriggle in Chris' grip and mumble something to himself.

"Josh, _please_ , stay still," Chris begs, he manhandles Josh so he's standing in front of him and pins Josh's arms to his side and draws him in to his chest. "Stay still, please."

Miraculously, Josh does.

The wendigo skitters across the ceiling, searching for them.

"That old guy's book said they only hunt at night, right?" Sam breathes. "I don't think they like sunlight. We're right near the entrance, I can feel the breeze."

"What if you're wrong?" Chris whispers, Josh is still against his chest, face pressed into Chris's neck.

"You got a better idea?"

Chris doesn't, "Okay," he pants, mostly into Josh's hair. "Okay. Josh? Josh we've got to run. We've got to run, okay?" He can't tell if Josh has heard him, not without moving.

"On my count," Sam whispers. "One...two... _three_!"

Chris pushes Josh ahead of him and runs.

The creature moves with them, springing into action, claws missing Chris by a hairs breath as it swipes.

"Run Josh!" he yells.

He can feel the fresh air on his face now, can see the sunlight up ahead. He's just got to keep moving.

Keep breathing.

Almost there.

He hits the light just as he feels its claws rake down his back, he yells out and Josh freezes, turns back to him wide eyed.

Sam reaches back and grabs his arm, "Come on!" she yells. They're free and clear and Chris is _almost there._

He twists out of the wendigo's grasp and runs full pelt into Josh and Sam against the opposite wall. He turns, half expecting to see that thing cornering them but it's still back at the passageway. It hisses once at the sunlight before scurrying back into the darkness.

"Oh fuck," Chris breaths. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh _fuck._ "

"You're okay," Sam's saying, rubbing his shoulder. "You're okay."

And Josh is looking between them like they're the crazy ones. Chris claps him on the shoulder, "You're okay," he laughs. "We're okay!"

"Chris?" Josh says uncertainly.

"Yeah, buddy," Chris moves his hand to cup Josh's cheek, presses their foreheads together and Josh's hands come up to grip his wrists. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Guys!?" comes a call from far above them.

They all look up as one, "Mike?"

"Holy fuck, it's good to see you guys!" Mike laughs. "Heard you could use some help?"

A ranger joins him, peering down at them looking bemused, "You kids okay down there?"

"No," Sam says. "No we really aren't."

"So please get us off this godforsaken mountain!" Chris agrees.

-

Chris is eleven when Josh has his first breakdown.

Josh is eleven too.

It happened at school and the only reason Chris was allowed to ride with him in the ambulance was because he wouldn't let go of Josh's wrist.

Chris remembers sitting in the hospital waiting room, listening to Josh scream and cry and fight. Beth and Hannah were there too, holding hands in matching dresses, eyes big and teary. All of them waiting for their parents to come and make it all make sense.

It didn't make sense. It never did back then.

(It does now, looking back. Chris can pinpoint every time the other kids went too far with their teasing, every time Josh's smile got a little duller.)

His dad didn't want him hanging around with Josh after that. His mother had joked that they'd need to surgically separate them if they wanted that to happen.

She was definitely right.

-

"You guys are insane, you know that," Mike says, as they make it up out of the mine. His smile is just this side of manic. He punches Chris jovially in the arm and hugs Sam tight.

When he gets to Josh, Josh tenses, "Don't hit me," he says warningly.

Mike laughs and pulls Josh into a rough hug.

"They found Matt and Jess too," Mike tells them, while the rangers lead them down to the chopper. "Jess is alive! And the others are all fine too. They're probably already at the hospital by now. Of course, I couldn't leave you idiots here alone. God knows what messes you'd get yourselves into."

Josh sticks close behind them, Sam with a gentle hand on his arm.

As they get nearer the choppers Chris starts to notice the uniforms, "Cops?" he asks, keeping his voice low.

"Yeah, we told them all about that psycho that was up here with us," Mike answers. "How he managed to get Josh down into the mines. We didn't get a good look at him though, did you guys?"

Chris swallows, "Nah it was too dark down there. What about you, Sam? You get a good look at that psycho?"

Sam catches on quick, "No, saw about as much as you did."

"What about you, buddy?" Mike asks, looking pointedly at Josh. Josh blinks back, dazed still.

"What?" His voice is thick and slow.

"Hey," Chris says, positioning himself between them. He puts a hand on Josh's shoulder, "Don't worry about that now, Josh."

Josh snags Chris' sleeve as Chris removes his hand, looking at the choppers with wide eyes, " _Chris_." he says.

Chris gives him his best smile, "It's okay, they're gonna take us somewhere safe."

"But - " Josh mumbles, "But they wanted me to stay, Chris..." He's starting to twitch again, fingers drumming against his leg. Chris can almost feel the anxiety thrumming through him.

A ranger approaches them, "He okay?"

"He'll be fine," Chris assures him, putting an arm around Josh's shoulder.

"He's not gonna freak out on the chopper is he?" Mike asks, quietly.

"God, I hope not."

-

Josh does freak out on the helicopter, just not in the shouty, defiant way he did in the mines. Instead, he shakes. Shakes so bad Chris is pretty sure he can hear his bones cracking, he presses his face into the crook of Chris' neck and whimpers.

Chris mumbles tired, soothing things while Mike snores and Sam looks on with her mouth in a thin line that says she's still not completely forgiven Josh for whatever fucked up nonsense he pulled on her.

Chris doesn't blame her. He really doesn't. But he can't be mad with Josh when he's like this.

(Later, he'll give Josh a fucking ear full but right now he just wants Josh to stop making those lost, _broken_ sounds.)

It's only when they touch down at the hospital that Chris' back starts to sting, that he becomes aware of the sticky warmth creeping down his spine.

"Jesus, Chris," Sam breathes when he steps out of the chopper and leaves a dark stain on the seat. "You okay?"

Chris grits his teeth, he hadn't noticed the pain before but now it comes in waves, "Think so."

They sedate Josh and as much as Chris hates them for it he's kind of grateful that it means he's got a few hours to sleep. Mike and Sam have both been whisked off to be examined and, Chris hopes, catch a few hours rest themselves.

He ends up with eleven stitches, neat little lines down his back.

"The strangest thing," the nurse says when she's done. "It's almost like you were scratched by an animal. You sure it wasn't a bear that was chasing you?"

"I think I can tell the difference between a bear and a person," Chris says. "I mean, I know some people are kind of hairy but..."

The nurse doesn't find this very funny but she sends up food to his room so that's something and _god,_ Chris has _never_ been this happy to have hospital food. In fact, he's pretty sure that _no one_ has ever been this happy to have hospital food.

He's finishing up his fifth pudding cup when Mike ambles in, "I see you're settling in well," is what he chooses to open with. He looks about as uncomfortable as Chris has ever seen him, in a hospital gown, plaster stitches holding together a nasty cut above his eyebrow. He gestures to the plastic chair beside Chris' bed, "May I?"

He and Mike have never really been friends before but somehow Chris is glad he's the first person he's seeing. It's kind of simple between them, they're not overly keen on each other but they're not exactly _un_ keen either.

"You seen anyone else?" Chris asks, offering Mike what little he has left of his feast. Mike shakes his head to the food.

"Jess has to have surgery," he says quietly. "They think she'll be okay though."

"Shit, man," Chris says because he's really not well versed in these types of situation.

"Sam's okay, mostly shaken. Em's threatening to sue Canada for how long they took to get to us but I haven't seen Matt or Ash. Or Josh."

"Josh is okay. I mean, he was when I last saw him."

Mike looks like he's about to pat Chris on the shoulder or something but evidently he thinks better of it. "He gonna be okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, yeah, I think so."

At that Mike deflates a little, like he's relieved. He leans forward, buries his head in his hands, " _Fuck_. I can't believe that actually just happened," he tugs at his hair then looks back up at Chris. "The cops talk to you yet?"

Chris shakes his head, "Not really."

"God, they drilled me for _hours_ ," Mike says. "Sam too. They're uh - They're searching the mines. The old hotel too."

Chris shudders, "I hope they're armed. There's still one of those things down there."

Mike pales a little, "We didn't get them all?"

"Sorry. You know that's not your fault, right?"

Mike nods but he doesn't look too convinced about that. Close up he looks tired, tired as Chris feels, and judging by the way he keeps tugging at his hair and how his fingers drum insistently across his thighs he hasn't slept yet.

"Hey," Chris says, gently. "You should get some rest, Mike. God knows you deserve it."

Mike nods absently and after a few moments he stands, "Yeah, yeah. You too."

-

In the interim between Mike's visit and Chris' own exhaustion catching up to him, he goes in search of the others.

Matt is easy to find, he's one ward over than Chris is and after an awkward _hi, how are you_ Chris goes off in search of the girls. They're all in one ward which makes things pretty simple, but both Sam and Em are asleep when he gets there.

Ashley hugs him for a very, very long time.

-

Chris is woken by his phone buzzing insistently on the side table. It takes him a few moments to remember exactly where he is and why and by the time he has the call has rung out. He slumps back on his bed but then it starts ringing again. It's not a number he recognises but it has an LA area code so Chris picks it up. It's probably his mother calling from the office or something.

"Hello?"

"Christopher?" It's a man. Not his mother, then.

Chris pauses, "Yes?"

"This is Dr Alan Hill, I was your friend Josh's - "

"Psychiatrist," Chris finishes for him, flatly. "Yeah, he mentioned you."

There's a pause then and Chris can hear Dr Hill sigh. He probably regrets what happened with Josh; Chris knows that on some level. Sam had said he'd been trying to get in contact, trying to get him to come in but he should have done more.

(Or maybe his _best friend_ should have done more _._ )

"I must confess, he told me of his plans for revenge some time ago but I dismissed them, I thought he had moved past it..."

"Well, evidently not," Chris says coldly.

"Yes. Evidently," the doctor makes a small noise of frustration. "Truthfully, I'm calling to let you know that there has been some _interest_ expressed in investigating Joshua further."

It takes Chris a few moments to process the weight of those words. In the beginning, after the twins disappeared, Josh had been a suspect. Of course, they didn't know that then, it all came out later when the Washingtons had demanded to know why there wasn't a thorough search of the area, why they hadn't instituted road blocks or whatever the hell else they were supposed to do in a missing persons case.

 _Well, to be frank, sir,_ the reply had come, _we thought they had either ran away or been murdered and our number one suspect was a family member. Statistically -_

Josh had been doing well before that.

Well, _relatively_ well. But with Josh most things were relative.

"You see," Hill is saying, "I was notified that they had found a body in the mines, as well as some skeletal remains and evidence of Joshua's... _film sets._ I wouldn't be surprised if they want to take him into custody soon. I haven't been able to contact his parents, they're somewhere without ideal signal, so..."

"Dr Hill," Chris cuts him off. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that in the next few hours, or perhaps days, they may take him into custody and God knows the abysmal record our country has with dealing with the mentally fragile when charged with a crime. I trust it won't take too long for the truth, as it were, to come out but should Joshua's guilt manifest itself during an interview say then... "

Chris can fill in the blanks.

"Okay, I got you."

He hangs up the phone and swings himself out of bed. His belongings have been stowed neatly away, clothes folded atop his backpack and duffel bag. He dresses quickly, wincing when he wrenches his back the wrong way.

He runs into Mike and Sam on his way to Josh's room.

Sam keeps her voice low, "So your plan is to _kidnap_ him?"

"You got a better idea?"

Sam bites her bottom lip.

"It'll just be until they figure out he's not to blame," Chris says. "Like a week or something."

"You think they'll just let you check out?" Mike asks, doubtfully. "Where you gonna hide?"

"Well, here's hoping," Chris sighs. "We'll lay low in a motel or something."

Eventually, Sam sighs, "Okay, maybe it's not _that awful_ of a plan."

It's an absolutely awful plan but it's the best Chris has at the moment.

"It's kind of badass," Mike remarks. "Like going undercover."

(And yeah, okay, maybe there is something appealing about it. About fake names and rental cars and cash only purchases. Maybe there's something that thrills Chris about that.)

Sam and Mike both donate the cash they have on hand and promise to keep him updated at least once a day. Mike hands them the keys to his battered old car, that the police had helpfully towed from where he'd left it near the mountain. (Sam also promises to say goodbye to Ash for him and grabs his sleeve as he's making his way out, _don't you think running will make them think he's guilty?_

 _Yes,_ Chris thinks. But maybe that's better than the alternative.)

-

As it turns out it's depressingly easy to get Josh out of the hospital.

The cops on their case ask him a few routine questions and politely remind him that they'll probably need to be reinterviewed at some point but otherwise they're content for him to go. (They ask a lot of questions about Josh though, _and have you ever noticed any aggression in him? Has he ever made remarks about hurting someone else?)_

Josh greets him with a bleary smile and slurred speech and it's so obvious he has no idea what's happened or what's been happening that it _hurts._

The nurse at the desk doesn't question it, either too bored or too polite to question it further (or maybe the police have already warned her.) Either way, she taps away at her computer, gives them a month's worth of antibiotics each and some more heavy duty meds for Josh and reminds them they'll need to see their own doctors back home to get their prescriptions refilled and that's it.

They're free.

Josh falls asleep almost as soon as Chris pulls out of the hospital car park, god knows what they've got him doped up with.

Chris drives four hours away, picks a motel that looks like the kind of place that won't care too much if you give a probably fake name and pay in case but _also_ probably isn't run by a Norman Bates type. It's a twenty minute drive from the nearest town, two hours from the next big city.

Josh wakes up as he's parking, blinking back into existence with eyes clearer than Chris has seen since they first arrived at the lodge what feels like years ago.

"Hey," he says, gently.

Josh stares at him for a beat and then, slowly, hesitantly, says, "Hey," he look around. "Where - Where are we?"

Chris sighs, "It's kind of a long story. Stay here, I'll get us a room."

Josh swallows and glances out the window once more before nodding. It probably says a lot about their relationship that he doesn't question it.

Chris checks them in and the man at the desk doesn't bat an eyelid when he pays in cash. "There's only one bed," Josh points out, when they reach their room.

It's a rundown place, the wallpaper is peeling in places and there are a few suspect stains on the shag carpet. There is, however, wifi and a relatively modern looking television by the kitchenette.

Chris rubs his eyes, suddenly exhausted, "They didn't have any twins left," he explains.

Josh drops his bag on the bed, "So, uh, you gonna fill me in on what's going on here?"

Chris looks at Josh. He has no idea how much Josh remembers, no idea how much Josh _should_ remember. Josh is probably writing off the wendigos as hallucinations and Chris really doesn't want to be the person who has to explain that _no, Josh, monsters are real._ God knows what that'll do to him.

In true Chris fashion he takes the easy way out, "First, I'm gonna shower."

-

The water is hot and after a few spurts of rust when he first turned it on it's fucking _clean._ He stands under the spray, washing off the mountain, washing off the mines, washing off the hospital, until Josh pounds on the door, "Hey! You better not use all the hot water!"

Chris rolls his eyes and shuts it off.

He wastes as much time as he can checking over his stitches in the mirror, they're the self-dissolving kind so that's one less thing he supposes.

When he gets out Josh is waiting patiently on the bed, hands folded neatly in his lap, "Chris, you need to tell me what's going on." His voice is level but Chris can see the panic rising in his eyes.

Chris runs a hand through his damp hair, "Alright, alright. What do you remember?"

Josh fidgets, "Nothing good. I was - I was pretty out of it most of the night, huh?" He ducks his head, "I remember what I did to you though. You and Ash and Sam. You must be pretty mad."

Chris isn't going to lie, there's part of him that hates Josh for what he put them through but that part knows that Josh couldn't help it. Not really. That part knows that Chris could have done something to change things.

"I'm not mad, Josh," Chris says, then he grins, "I'm just disappointed."

Josh gives him a weak smile but it's gone almost as quickly as it appears, "Did I - " he asks softly. "Did I hurt Jess? And the others - did I - was that me?"

"Jesus, Josh, _no._ "

Josh doesn't look like he believes him but Chris has no idea how he's meant to explain the monsters and god, he's tired.

"You didn't okay? There was something else up on that mountain with us," Chris slumps down on the bed. Josh watches him closely. "What did you see down there, in the mines?" Chris asks.

Josh shifts uncomfortably, "I saw my sisters," he says eventually, softly, in barely more than a whisper. "They wanted me to stay, Chris - They always - _always_ want me to stay."

Chris reaches up to put a hand on Josh's back.

"Maybe I shoulda," Josh is saying, head buried in his hands now. "I shoulda stayed, Chris. I owed them that."

"They're dead, Josh," Chris says gently. "You know that, right?"

"Sam said they found Beth," Josh says. "She said - She said," his voice is rising, panicked now. "She said they thought Hannah _ate_ her - "

"Hey," Chris sits up. "Hey."

Josh is trembling under his hands but he stops talking and Chris takes that as a victory. He rubs Josh's back in small circles as Josh breathes deep and easy.

"You didn't hurt anyone," he says. "I promise. I mean, you hit Ashley but I guess she had stabbed you with scissors."

Josh lets out something that might be a laugh, "I remember that." He takes a long shuddering breath, "But the cops think I did, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you _promise_ I didn't?"

"I promise."

"So what did?" Josh asks.

Chris hesitates.

Josh looks up, "What did, Chris?"

"Josh - " Chris sighs, "It's been a long drive and - "

"You're tired," Josh finishes for him, there's annoyance there and bitterness to but mostly he can tell, Josh feels bad for him. "Get some rest then, Cochise."

-

Chris dreams of the mines.

The room with the stranger's body, hanging bloody only it's not the only one this time. There's Ash and Sam and Mike and Jess. Em and Matt and Beth.

It's cold, there's the smell of stale air and damp and the sickly sweet of something Chris doesn't want to think about. Chris is panting, throat raw from yelling or screaming or something and somethings lurking in the dark.

The wendigo with Hannah's butterfly on it's shoulder bares it's teeth and Chris backs away, calling for someone, _anyone_ to help him.

But in the end it's not Hannah that lunges, it's not Hannah's claws that rip open his chest.

It's Josh.

Josh stumbling, Josh _changing._ Josh with gnashing teeth under that mask and claws pushing their way ghoulishly out of his finger tips.

 _Josh, please,_ he begs. _Josh stop!_

-

Chris jerks awake to Josh staring at him, eyes wide and panicked.

"You were yelling," Josh tells him, voice shaky.

"I'm sorry," Chris says, when his breathing has evened out. "Did I scare you?"

Josh swallows, "I think you better tell me what happened in those mines."

Chris does.

In the end Josh takes it as well as can be expected. Chris tries to leave out the bit about Hannah's tattoo but Josh remembers it anyway, spends an hour or so asking Chris whether they can go back for her, whether he's sure she died.

They're both damp eyed when it's all over and neither of them feel up to talking so they drive a few towns over for groceries in silence.

By Chris' estimation they've got enough cash to last a week or two.

When they get back to the motel room he switches on his phone, just for a second. Mike's text comes through first, _jess ok. more interviews 2day. askin bout josh._

Then Sam's, _they found the fake newspapers. they know josh was up to something._

"Shit," Chris mutters.

Josh is curled on his side on the bed. If he hears Chris' cursing he doesn't react.

"You okay?" Chris asks, as he sets about trying to make something edible for them.

"'S my fault," Josh murmurs. "All of it."

"Josh - " Chris begins (and he _tries_ to keep the note of frustration out of his voice but they've been having this conversation for almost a year.)

"No," Josh sits up, sharply. "No, I don't care what you say, Chris. It is. I shoulda been watching them, I _promised_ my parents I would! If we hadn't - " he cuts himself off, cheeks flushing red.

_Josh's mouth hot and wet against his own -_

Chris flushes too. He'd convinced himself it had been a dream, a fucked up, confusing dream. They look away at the same time.

"Josh, you couldn't have known how Hannah was going to react," Chris says, like he always does.

"Yeah, but if I hadn't been so drunk maybe we could have," he breaks off, bites his lip. "I'm tired, Chris. I'm so fucking tired, man."

"Sleep, then."

"It's not that kind of tired."

"Yeah," Chris says. "Yeah, I know the feeling."

-

That night it's Chris' turn to watch Josh kick and scream his way through nightmares and all Chris can think to do is hook an arm around him and hold him until he stops shaking.

"Okay?" he whispers when Josh's eyes flutter open.

Josh nods and presses his face into Chris' neck.

It's the kind of thing Chris knows they're not going to talk about in the morning.

-

 _josh's parents are here,_ Sam texts. _they found his fake newspapers._

 _em told them,_ Mike texts. _im sorry._

-

Every night Chris dreams of the mines.

Every night Chris dreams of his friends bodies.

Every night Chris dreams of Josh tearing him to pieces.

(Every night he jerks awake with Josh curled against him, twitching in his own dreams. Every night he puts a hand on Josh's chest, feels the racing of his heart and closes his eyes until he's not gasping for breath anymore.)

_-_

By day seven they've fallen into this kind of comfortable silence. Chris watches Josh closely like he always has (always did - until he fucked up) and that evening he turns on his phone to find a new text from Sam.

_this could get messy. they might officially name him a suspect. you think you'd be up for that?_

Up for that. Up for moving every few weeks, keeping hidden until the heats off of them. Living under a false name. Throwing away his entire life. Never seeing Ashley or Sam or his mother again.

He looks at Josh, curled on his side watching some ancient war film, hair still damp and slightly curling. He's always slightly taken aback by how scrawny Josh is, how wide his eyes are, how childish they look when he's scared or excited or completely absorbed in something.

Yes, he could do that, he thinks.

He could throw it all away for Josh, dump the car move a few towns over and then again.

 _definitely,_ he texts back.

-

They're running out of money when he gets the all clear, when Sam texts that it's safe and Chris doesn't much care how it happened, whether they found a new suspect or whether the Washingtons paid the danger away, it doesn't matter.

He packs them up and they're on the road in a heartbeat.

Chris' mother is waiting in front of the hotel the other's had been staying at. She envelops him in a hug as soon as he steps out of the car and god, Chris doesn't think he's ever missed anyone this badly.

Melinda Washington is there too, hugging Josh, kissing his cheek over and over. She's crying harder than she was when Hannah and Beth went missing (and Chris is still haunted by how empty her eyes were that day and in the months after, how hopeless and broken) and as soon as Chris' mother lets him go she's hugging him too.

"Thank you," she says over and over and over. "Thank you so, so much."

-

It's weird being back home, in his own bed where the sheets aren't scratchy and the mattress doesn't creek.

It's weird not having Josh's warm weight beside him.

He gets to 3am before giving up and calling Josh and Josh picks up too immediately for Chris to have woken him, "Can't sleep, Cochise?"

"Nah, I thought I'd see if you were up for a quick game of soccer on this lovely evening?"

Josh laughs quietly, "Yeah, yeah. Lemme just get my shoes on."

"Wanna netflix something?" Chris asks.

Josh falls asleep on the phone with him and in the end it's the sound of his even breathing that Chris falls asleep too.

He wakes up to find the lines still open and thanks fuck he has unlimited minutes.

-

Ash comes over and hugs him for a very, very long time.

The bruise around her eye is almost gone and even though it's been two weeks Chris is still kind of unused to the lack of gore caught in her hair.

"You're an idiot," she tells him, kissing him firmly.

"Yeah," he agrees. "But that's why you're drawn to me."

Chris' mother is over the moon about it, him and Ashley that is. Tells all her friends about them, calls all Chris' aunts and uncles and tells him very loudly that she knew all along how cute they'd be together.

Josh does too, texts him his congratulations and slips him a packet of condoms the next time they meet up with a wink and a, "I'm not ready to be a god father yet, Cochise." That Chris swats at him for.

Things don't change much between him and Ash, they do all the things they used to do just with more kissing.

It's the same with everyone else as well (minus the kissing.) He still texts Sam nonstop, still meets up with Josh every week to see a movie or something, the others go back to being people he knows only tangentially. He sees Mike every now and then with Josh but the others kind of melt away, receding back into the realm of acquaintance.

Things are disturbingly normal.

(Except for the nightmares, of course.

He still has them every night.

Still gets torn apart every night.)

-

But things fall apart because that's what always happens and honestly, Chris has been expecting this for a while now.

It's weird between him and Ash. It doesn't feel like anything's changed except it has. It should have. They don't talk about the lodge much, it's too touchy. Ash is still jittery about Josh and Chris is jittery about Ash being jittery about Josh, it always ends in arguments that leave them not speaking for days.

 _Trauma brings some people together_ , his psychiatrist told him early on. _But it drives others apart._

Matt and Emily didn't last a week after the lodge, Mike and Jess lasted a month.

He and Ash hold the record, six months and counting.

Or not.

"I just..." she bites her lip, fisting her hands in Chris' bed sheets. "I feel like there's too much between us, you know?"

 _No,_ Chris wants to say, _no there's **supposed** to be a lot between us, that's how this works._

"Ash, what happened at the lodge - " he begins but she holds up a hand.

"No, listen," she insists. "I love you, Chris. You're my best friend but I just feel like... I feel like we maybe made this decision too fast, you know? I feel like we didn't really think this through."

Chris frowns, "Is this about Josh?"

In the beginning all her worries were - _you're not only with me because of what happened, right? not just because josh pushed us together? you promise?_ And at the time Chris had been struck by how _little_ she thought of herself and he'd kissed away her concerns.

Things are different now, he knows. She's changed a lot, grown a lot. She's louder now, more confident. And far too good for Chris.

She shakes her head sadly, "Not in the way you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "Think about it." And then she's gone.

-

(That night the dream is different:

Josh is still there, still monstrous and advancing and Hannah too, lurking in the dark. But this time Ashley isn't hanging behind them, she's right there beside Josh, eyes blank arms crossed over her chest as Chris pleads.)

-

The next day Chris gets up early and drives to Ashley's house, sends her text as he idles in the driveway and mulls over her words.

 _Not in the way you think,_ she'd said. _Not in the way you think._

She emerges ten minutes later and clambers into the passenger seat without questioning why Chris is outside her house at 7am the day after she broke up with him. They drive out to a park they spent most of their time in as kids and Ashley lets him sulk on the swings before sighing, "Chris, I didn't want to - "

 _Hurt you,_ Chris knows she's going to say and he knows that. Ash is too sweet to want to hurt anyone, really. He doesn't realise he's said this out loud until Ashley laughs bitterly.

"Yeah, I'm so sweet I took part in a prank that left two people dead."

"Ash - "

"No, Chris. I played a part in it and I've excepted that." She smiles at him, "That's your problem, you know. You only see the good in people, you completely ignore the bad and that's not how people work, Chris."

Chris kicks at the dirt, "I know that."

"Yeah, you just pretend not to." She rubs at her face, "I know this is going to be weird and I have no idea how to do this... I mean, you were kind of my first everything."

Chris didn't know that, "I was?" he feels strangely proud.

Ash goes pink, "Yeah. First kiss, first boyfriend."

"Yeah, you were mostly my first too."

"Not your first kiss though."

Chris looks at her.

Ash breaks, "I remember the night the twins disappeared, Chris." She admits, blushing furiously.

 _Fuck,_ Chris thinks. "Oh, Ash, you gotta know - "

She shakes her head, "It didn't bother me. At first, anyway."

"What do you mean at first?"

Ashley rolls her eyes, "You know, Sam said you were the most oblivious person on earth. I just never thought it meant you were oblivious to _your own feelings_ as well as everyone else's."

She stands up, smiles affectionately, "Let me know when you've figured it out, dummy." And leaves Chris staring blankly after her again.

-

Chris drives to Josh's when Ash leaves. He's not sure why, not really, but it feels right.

"He's not here," Melinda tells him when he arrives. "He's at an appointment with Dr Hill, you can wait if you want."

Chris does and Melinda brings him coffee and fancy biscuits and asks about his mom and his sister and how school is or was going until she gets called away by work. Chris waits in Josh's room after that.

He hasn't been in Josh's room since just after the twins went missing. It's mostly the same but there are far less horror movie posters on the wall now.

"Ashley broke up with me," Chris says, when Josh comes in.

"Oh, that sucks, man."

"Yeah."

Josh puts on some film his dad got hold of, super heroes or something that Chris would have been over the moon about once upon a time. He falls asleep on Chris' shoulder halfway through and it's like being back in the cramped motel room with nothing but each other.

The film ends and Chris lets Josh sleep, switches on to netflix and picks out something mindless. It's kind of nice, Chris feels warmer and safer than he has done in months.

He finds himself stroking Josh's back absentmindedly, lost in the soft rise and fall of his breathing.

He's just dozing off himself when Josh's breathing changes. It takes Chris a moment to figure out why.

He looks down to find wide blue eyes staring up at him, "Hey."

"Chris," Josh says.

And that's when things start to make sense.

Josh kisses him sweetly, like it's their first, slow and tentative and for a moment, Chris forgets to breath. Forgets to do much of anything, really. It's only when he can feel Josh pulling away that his brain kicks in and his arms come up to pull Josh flush against him and kisses him back.

"You," Chris pants, when they finally stop for breath. "Have _no_ idea how long I've been waiting to do that."

Josh chuckles, "You're telling _me._ Were you waiting for a written invitation?"

"Ah, you know me, I'm all doing things the old fashioned way."

"You gonna ask my dad for my hand? I think he might say yes if you ask really nicely."

"Please, your dad could never say no to me," Chris laughs. "Bet you come with a _huge_ dowry." He runs a thumb along Josh's cheek bone. "You're an idiot," he tells him.

Josh laughs, "Yeah, you too, Cochise."

-

He still dreams of Josh changing, Josh growing fangs and claws under that psycho mask of his, Josh advancing on him menacingly but this time when Chris falls too his knees, begging, _Josh, please, you don't want to do this. I know you, Josh, please._

Josh stops.

_Josh?_

He takes a few more steps towards Chris and lowers himself to his knees, _Chris?_

Hesitantly, Chris reaches for Josh's mask.

Josh puts his hands on Chris' wrists, _wait._

Chris doesn't. He pulls off the mask.

Underneath Josh is perfect, Josh is Josh. Chris laughs and after a moment Josh smiles hesitantly.

 _You're okay,_ Chris says.

Josh presses their foreheads together, _I am now._

_-_

He snapchats Ash the next day, a photo of Josh still asleep on his chest.

 _Got it,_ the text reads.

Ash sends him back a picture of her and Sam looking relieved.


End file.
